F.Y.I this post will probably have horror movie spoilers/images so deal with it :p
ahh movie logic
I Love horror movies, I've been watching them since before I was actually allowed to :D
I don't remember where my parents were, but somehow I got a hold of an "Evil dead 2" VHS tape, and watched it. It scared the everlasting crap out of me, but it was one of my first horror movies.
A few years later, I'm around 13, and the "Scream" series came out, and those, while also terror inducing, (to a sheltered 13 yr old girl) are much beloved by me. (despite the fact that seeing the ghost face mask still makes me a teensy bit uncomfortable)
shudder
Despite being "easy to please" when it comes to movies in general, i'm very critical of my horror movies, I have a set of prerequisites for what I consider to be a "good" horror flick.
1-No killing kids or babies
Nothing is worse than being pregnant and watching "the Omen", so I've made a point to avoid/disown all horror movies that kill children, (doesn't include movies where there are kids present but nothing happens, or where the kids are ghosts who are already dead.)
2-No killing everyone in the movie!
Seriously how hard is it to leave one person alive? Huh "cabin in the woods"? (which was really good besides that) WTF? To make my 2 hours not feel like a complete waste of time, at least someone needs to be hobbling away saying "yay I'm alive!" at the end.
3. The antagonist is successfully defeated
With the exception of franchise films, (Scream, Nightmare on Elm street, Halloween, etc) I HATE watching a stand alone movie where they beat the bad guy/thing, everybody is happy, then right before end credits BAM! It's still there.No sense of closure for the watcher, jerks.
4. No supernatural Alien movies
Ok this one is just a personal preference. I love horror movies, I like the "alien" movies, but combine the two plus base it off a "true story" and you get "the Fourth Kind". Never again. Plus I'm religious/christian and this movie just rubbed me the wrong way on a spiritual level, so I avoid movies that aren't strictly sci-fi alien.
5. Don't be predictable
Seriously, when they show the viewer a creepy ass doll and then expect us to be surprised when it gets possessed later, c'mon now.
Those are my basic ingredients for a great horror flick, a movie that is original, doesn't need to resort to baby killing, isn't predictable, has a satisfying happy ending, and doesn't involve aliens. Personally, I also prefer suspense over gore, but that's just me.
Also no movies with plants for antagonists, such as "The happening".
The Current Offender:
Oculus
Here's the IMDB description:
A woman tries to exonerate her brother, who was convicted of murder, by proving that the crime was committed by a supernatural phenomenon.
That's actually a terrible description, the movie begins with her brother being released from a psychiatric facility after he's finally deemed "all there", the description makes it sound like he.s in prison or something.
Ok, saw the trailer for this on IMDB, and it looked interesting, so last night we gave it a go, here's what I thought.
Anyway, so the "phenomenon" is a possessed mirror that can alter your senses so you see and hear what it wants you to, not a bad concept I thought.
The pacing was good, the acting was good, it was slightly predictable,
but not to the point of being annoying
(as in, she hangs a weighted anchor in front of the mirror as a fail safe to where she has to reset a timer every hour or it will impale the mirror.)
seriously, who didn't see this coming?
The movie would have gotten my nod of approval had it not been for a few things:
1.They don't destroy the Mirror, which was the whole point.
see rule #3
2. The mirror makes it appear as if the brother went crazy and killed her, and exonerating him was the OTHER point!
So now he's in jail, re-considered crazy, his sister's dead, and the mirror is still alive and kicking. Utterly. Pointless.
Complete waste of time! Nothing gets my goat more than movies that had the potential to be great, but the ending ruins it.
There are a few more that are like that but I can't remember which ones they were.
Here's some of the best and worst in the horror genre
(I'm not including monster or zombie movies since it's really a genre of its own)
Worst Offenders:
The Wicker Man
The Omen
Dark Skies (stupid creepy aliens)
The Fourth Kind
The Saw movies after #2 (really, we didn't need five!)
Mama
Paranormal activity Movies
Sinister
The woman in black, AKA Scary Potter
Human centipede movies
(If you want to be in therapy for the next several years, watch these, if not....)
Don't be afraid of the dark
The last exorcism
splice
A nightmare on elm street
(remake. Don't mess with the classics)
The Ruins
The Descent
The Happenning
Teeth
(just...dont)
The Orphanage
Pan's Labyrinth
Hills have eyes
(cannibal hillbillies? my worst nightmare, and not in a good movie kind of way)
Hostel
(tortured while travelling abroad? Also on my worst nightmare list. No!)
The Skeleton Key
House of Wax
Jeepers creepers 1&2
The blair witch project
(a movie about how how not to be a cameraman)
Horrifyingly good;
The Ring
(scare the crap out of me)
The Grudge
(scares the crap out of the man)
The Purge
Odd Thomas
Signs
The Village
The Conjuring
(loved this one!)
Insidious 1&2
(sort of breaks rule #3, but it gets a pass)
The Awakening
Prometheus + the Alien series
(AVP; requiem not included, implies rule #1 is broken)
The cabin in the woods
(broke rule #2 and #3, but was really original)
Daybreakers
The haunting in Connecticut
Sweeney Todd
Sleepy Hollow
1408
Silent Hill
(ugh pyramid head *shudder*)
Slither
("We're itchy")
The classics: Nightmare on Elm street, Friday the 13th. Halloween
Scream series
The Amityville Horror
(this one was too good, it scared me so bad I cant watch it again)
Willard
(yay, its creepy thin man!)
Darkness Falls
Dreamcatcher
The Mothman Prophecies
(scared the crap out of me)
13 ghosts
The Others
Urban Legends
Stir of Echoes
Final destination
House on Haunted hill
The Haunting
The Faculty
I know what you did last summer
Phantoms
The Shining
So, to wrap this all up, I'm going to watch beauty and the Beast to make myself feel better :D
and here's hello kitty as thor and loki
Happy Friday!
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